Global Warming causes Local Freezing?

Former Vice President, Alvin More, has announced that the latest weather trend, Local Freezing, does not preclude Global Warming. Now shown on all TV weather maps, one can readily see that the United States is a target of Local Freezing, or National Freezing, however the weather forecasters describe the current temperatures over the northeastern United States. Unfortunately, for most Americans, the weather map shows that the rest of the world is much warmer and, in some cases, rather balmy.

Has the Word “Cold” become Obsolete? Meteorologists, commonly called Weather Men, are confused and upset, unable to understand the connection all this cold has to do with that warming ‘balderdash.’

Mr. More refuses to back down on his stand for Global Warming, still insisting that it isn’t cold, just slightly cool, and it is not necessary to wear an overcoat, hat, ear-muffs or gloves to ward off this ‘anti-warming’ trend, which will soon pass.

Appearing in only his well-groomed brown suit, the former Vice President gave a speech on the front steps of his home in Nashville, insisting for the umpteenth time that global warming is a real phenomena, much like extra-terrestrials, ghost-busters and Big Foot. More claims the word “cold” has become obsolete. Unfortunately, his speech was cut-off prematurely, when his teeth began chattering and he ran into the house to get warm.

More was recently challenged by representatives from The Weather Channel, who accused Alvin of being cold and unfeeling, uncool and hot-tempered. The weather bugs are challenging More and his followers to a swim-off in Lake Placid in February to see who has the guts to swim in the freezing waters. Then maybe they will remember the word “cold!”

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How many wrongs make a right?

Has anyone else been bothered all summer by phone calls from political figures or parties? I made a mistake about a year ago and answered a questionnaire from a political organization and they must have given my address and phone number to all the other politicians. I have been getting two to four unwanted phone calls a day, plus more questionnaires and letters begging for money.

I have filled out so many questionnaires that I’ve lost my ability to tell right from wrong. This must be what happens to politicians. It’s not that they purposely make wrong decisions, it’s just that they have been in the political arena for so long, and filled out so many questionnaires, that they can’t tell right from wrong.

What is wrong with that picture? Do two wrongs make a right? Do two rights make a politician? Are we wrong to think that certain rights are right? Are we right to believe that certain wrongs are really quite wrong?

As far as the questionnaires go, I have decided to save them for the cold weather and use them as kindling in my fireplace. I think they will do more good there than returned to the senders, which causes more work for the mailmen and the underpaid secretaries. They could also be shredded and used for packing gifts or items to be returned to gift catalogs.

Are the Democrats right or are the Republicans right? Perhaps I should send out a questionnaire asking my friends and neighbors what they think about filling out questionnaires.

My feelings are summed up in one word:  BALDERDASH!

Can a Politician be a Lunatic? I have a test.

It has come to my attention that some of my readers were confused by my last blog, WHO WILL REPLACE THE LUNATICS? Some of those readers mistook the word lunatics for the word politicians. This is a grave matter that must be taken up with all seriousness.

Political figures are not necessarily lunatics, although the laws and measures  they pass do not verify that statement.

Can a politician be a lunatic? YES

Can a lunatic be a politician? YES

What is necessary is a test to be given to all people who run for office in the USA. Here are the questions that I nominate for the test.

  1.  What state, city, county or area do you wish to represent? ________. If the person cannot name and spell the area they want to represent correctly, I say they should be running for vice president of tenth grade.
  2.  Spell the names of your parents and give your own address and phone number. This is a must for everyone in the USA and if the information is not accurate, NO RUNNING FOR OFFICE!
  3. Who is the President of the United States? If the political hopeful gets this wrong he/she should be expunged expatriated expelled sent away from the country.
  4. Name your spouse and children.  Spell each name properly. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200.
  5. If the political hopeful is still hopeful at the end of the test AND gets all the questions right, send him/her on their way to the nearest political party headquarters. Give the candidate for office directions to BOTH headquarters, spin him around three times, and whichever one he finds first, let that one be his party of choice.

Who will replace the Lunatics?

Last week the US government made a decision to take the word “lunatic” out of all federal laws. I applaud this decision because as a representative of crazy people, it makes me uncomfortable to be called a lunatic. It comes from a very old word that originally referred to someone who is ruled by the phases of the moon. In later years the word meant someone who is wildly foolish, insane or commits an extravagant folly.

I think the lawmakers who came to the decision to leave the word ‘lunatic” out of legally binding law realized that we all are sometimes wildly foolish, we may be insane and we have all been guilty of committing extravagant follies. So that didn’t leave anyone to prosecute in case of wrong doing.

Mr. Webster defines the LUNATIC FRINGE as “members of a political or social movement espousing extreme, eccentric or fanatical views.” Doesn’t that describe most of our politicians and lawmakers today?

The question before the American public is this. What word will we use to replace “lunatic?” I have put forth several suggestions. Let me know which one you prefer.

MAD MEN – Unfortunately the TV series has given us a warped idea of what a mad man is, leaving it almost impossible to distinguish between “normal” and “mad.” The words MAD WOMEN are still applicable, and therefore females can still be considered crazy.

DERANGED – Having one’s brain de-arranged by others or by terrible circumstances.

OUT-TO-LUNCH – This term is not connected with eating at all, but refers to someone whose thinking is not clear. Their thinking is out of touch with reality, as in the sentence “the President is out-to-lunch.”

TURKEY – This is my best choice for a word to replace lunatic. Although some people may get confused or deranged enough to think that this refers to the bird cooked and eaten annually in November, it really refers to a stupid person. The person is stupid, not crazy. If the government takes my suggestion to heart and changes lunatic to turkey in all the laws, there will be a lot of arrests of real bird turkeys and a lot of confusion as to who is stupid and who is smart. Obviously, a smart person would need to make the arrest and incarcerate the turkeys. However, remember the old saying “It takes one to know one!”

This post is making me deranged, so I’m going to stop while I’m still sane, I think.  Who are all those men wearing white coats?

Other Multiples

If you know someone with multiple personalities, please tell them about my blog. I would like to connect with them